Aeon (aeoncole) wrote,
Aeon
aeoncole

  • Mood:

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

I laughed so hard when I read this I just had to pass it along... 

Dear  Dogs and Cats,

The  dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are  mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the  middle of my  plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and  dish, nor do  I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The  stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the  bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall  faster than  you can run.

I  cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do  not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and  cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to  sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest  extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues  hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For  the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle  I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,  whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull  the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been  using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is  not  required.

The  proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's  butt. I  cannot stress this enough!

To  pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front  door:

To  All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like t o Complain About Our  Pets:

1.  They live here. You don't.
2.  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the  furniture. (That's  why they call it "fur"niture.)
3.  I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4.  To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short,  hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember:  In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because  they:
1.  Eat less
2.  Don't ask for money all the time
3.  Are easier to train
4.  Normally come when called
5.  Never ask to drive the car
6.  Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7.  Don't smoke or drink
8.  Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9.  Don't want to wear your clothes
10.  Don't need a " gazillion" dollars for college.

And  finally,
11.  If they get pregnant, you can sell  their children. 

May your day be gentle & calm. Remember the earth is the only planet with Chocolate

Tags: humor
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