Aeon (aeoncole) wrote,
Aeon
aeoncole

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New FDA Warnings on Beer Bottles

 

THE FDA IS CONSIDERING ADDITIONAL WARNINGS ON BEER AND ALCOHOL BOTTLES SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING:

 

13) WARNING consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

 

12) WARNING consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.


11) WARNING consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

 

10) WARNING consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.


9) WARNING consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

 

8) WARNING consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.


7) WARNING consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

 

6) WARNING consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

 

5) WARNING consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.


4) WARNING consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really really big guy named Chuck.

 

3) WARNING consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.


2) WARNING consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum whereby small (and sometimes large gaps of time) may seem to literally "disappear."

 
1) WARNING consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

 

Tags: humor
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